awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
How external is "for external use only"?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
