I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
