Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
