So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
