My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
