thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
