ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
