I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
