So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
