life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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