Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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