I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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