I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
