I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
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I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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