Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
