I think my vagina is haunted
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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