Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
