More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
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Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
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I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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