Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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