TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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