Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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