My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
