I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
