"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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