i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he fucked my hip out of place.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
