it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
