I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I love you. Go after that dick
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
