Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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