He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
