the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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