I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The struggles of a small town man whore
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
