I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
