we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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