I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
