FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Randomize
