Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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