Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
did you just send me my own nude
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
