The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
