I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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