Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
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