i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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