We won't sleep together?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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