just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
