She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
