One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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