i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
