he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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