Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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