I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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