Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
