Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
