She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
