She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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