seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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