After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
