First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My ATM looks so different sober.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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