I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
