Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
