Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
