im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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