listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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