Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
