she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
my poor anus
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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