I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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