no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
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Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
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He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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