Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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