I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
