The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
