his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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