Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
