trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
3 2 1 whiskey
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
how does that bad decision feel?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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