Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize