singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
