Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I party with great urgency now.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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