if i can run in heels then i can drive
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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