I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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