I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
there was a trapeze. enough said
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
