I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
