so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
How's work?
Spinning.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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