New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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