If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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