Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Are my feet made of real feet?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
