it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
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