Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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