I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
